Feedback

I appreciate the feedback I received both from you and my peers. I took your advice and changed the title of my speech to be more specific and used the original abstract one as a sub title. Mostly what my peers found were typos, but they seemed to feel that the tone of my speech was too sophisticated and the word choice too academic. Some felt that it would be better as an essay. However, I think that this is because they were reading a hard copy of the speech and so they felt it was an essay. To test my theory I gave my roommate a hard copy to ready and practiced delivering the speech to one of my friends. The roommate didn't think it should be an essay, but she did comment on the sophistication of the writing, but not in a negative manner. The friend loved the speech and found it easy to follow and the argument clear and compelling. I think that because it is a speech it is difficult to analyse unless it is presented auditorially. I have made changes to areas which I felt were legitimately too wordy and confusing, but I feel that the piece was meant to be a speech and works very well as one.